Once upon a time there was a young and beautiful princess. She was from a small European principality and descended from a long and wide line of royalty. She was taking a gap year and touring Australia. That was how she found herself stranded in Lower Wilmot, Tasmania. Her car had broken down. She walked to the nearest homestead to garner help.
"Come in dear" said the friendly local lady upon hearing her plight. "No you will simply stay the night here with us. Brian will get the car going in the morning."
As it happened, Brian was also descended from European royalty. His wife Marlene was quite proud of her royal connections but never mentioned the fact that her husband's great great grandfather was shipped off to the colonies as a matter of convenience for the family.
Marlene had high hopes her son Shaun would marry well, but well connected aristocracy didn't surface much on rsvp.com. Now here she was, at her door, beautiful, young, excellent english.
"Brian make up the guest bed" Marlene said. "But use the KMart sheets. If she's really a princess, she won't sleep a wink in them."
In the morning the Princess emerged looking very well rested. "I slept wonderfully, thankyou" she replied when asked. "Brian, get her the Black & Gold brand Corn Flakes' Marelene whispered "if she's really a Princess, she'll choke on them". The Princess ate them with enthusiasm. Marlene was getting suspicious.
"Now the bathroom's down the hall, go have a shower dear" said Marlene.
"Brian, get a new block of Country Fresh soap, if she's really a Princess that stuff will bring her out in an awful rash."
She emerged happy and refreshed. Marlene was getting surer this girl was a fraud. "My you speak excellent English dear, did you learn that at the Sorbonne?"
"No, I watch lots of Disney movies" she laughed "somebody poisoned the waterhole" she said in a perfect American accent. Brian walked in. "Got your car going love" he said.
Marlene was very keen to find out more before she let this girl go though, she really wanted Shaun married off well. "Your family, they are financing this trip for you?" she asked
"haha, no" she replied "my job at Maccas financed this. Even before the GFC my family had long since lost their fortune and sold the jewels".
"No castle?" Marlene further enquired.
"No, there may be a slight ruin left."
"No tiaras, orbs, sceptres?"
"Haha no, none of that old rubbish."
Marlene sighed. "Oh what a shame my dear. You'd better be off them"
The young Princess lived happily ever after and Shaun moved to Ulverstone.
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